I don't let hyperventilation scare me anymore

Things went wrong in November last year. It was half past eight in the morning, the two youngest children had just left the house. Our eldest son of 14 was in the room on the sofa just studying for his test. He would leave at 10 o’clock because of his test. I promised to sweep the sidewalk for a moment and then practice with him again. I went outside feeling fine. I was done after fifteen minutes and walked into the kitchen. My husband was there too. When I entered I suddenly had palpitations, my heart was racing. I fell down and immediately knew it was not right. I was having trouble breathing and I couldn’t control my heart rate.

My husband immediately called the doctor. He was there in 5 minutes. He immediately saw that it was not going well and called 112. Because I really thought I was dying, I became very restless. I begged the doctor to help me. I could no longer keep my eyes open, I needed all the energy to calm my breathing which did not work. I went in the ambulance and my heart rate was now above 200. In the ambulance I became very unwell and almost lost my consciousness.

When we got to the hospital, all kinds of tests were taken, a heart film was made, and investigations were carried out. My breathing was very restless, but I couldn’t get it under control. There was someone sitting next to me to watch me on the monitor, but I didn’t really get any breathing tips. I know that I was breathing at the very top and that I was completely red in my neck. I was advised to sing a song, but I really didn’t have the energy for that. It was not until around noon that I received a pil, which caused my heart rate to drop slightly again. I went to another department and things were getting better there. At about 4 pm a doctor came to me and said that nothing had been found. They actually couldn’t explain where those palpitations came from. I had to make an appointment with the cardiologist for a few weeks and was sent home. I was still so weak that I couldn’t walk. I was taken to the car in a wheelchair. The nurse thought that was strange, he believed that I could walk. I was not confident that I had was sent home again. I did get a device to take home so I could control my breathing.
At home I was very restless and constantly working on that device. Afraid to get those bad palpitations back. I received pils from the hospital to take home against the high heart rate. At night I did not dare to sleep.

The next day my energy was 0.0. I was on the couch and couldn’t get of it. No energy and I didn’t dare to walk. The night after I didn’t dare to sleep again, but when I dozed off I woke up restlessly. Some kind of fear came over me and my heart started to run again. I panicked and called my husband to call 112. I gasped and started trembling all over my body. I was so restless and scared. The ambulance came again and they took me to the hospital again. Again the same story, blood samples, examinations etc and after 2 hours I was sent home again. They did not know where the palpitations came from, but had found nothing serious, I did not die. maybe hyperventilation? I did not receive any tips, but again medicines for the high heart rate. The following days were terrible.

I lay on the couch, didn’t even dare to sit down and was constantly puffing with my device. That fear kept coming up again. My husband was really not allowed to leave me, I became very restless when I lost sight of him. He was barely allowed to walk to the kitchen, otherwise I would panic again. I did not understand where it came from, I have never experienced this before! In the weeks that followed little changed, I really did not dare to sleep for 5 weeks. My energy was 0.0. I had developed a panic disorder because I was afraid of having palpitations again. I really didn’t dare to do anything anymore. Going to the toilet was quite a task for me. I had 4 chairs between the couch and the toilet and walked from chair to chair. I no longer dared to brush my teeth, no longer dared to talk to people, panicked when someone came to the door (even though it was friends or family what I always liked very much before). I couldn’t be alone anymore so someone had to be at my house every day. My husband was busy with our business, and with all the hassle around our bankrupt contractor because we were building a house and then the contractor went bankrupt. Many worries and we also had to move soon so the house had to be empty. I could no longer help Robert with that which frustrated me HUGE, normally I am quite a go-getter. That made it worse and worse for me. Our children had to take care of themselves which I found very annoying. I was very sad about this. I always forced myself to take a step forward, but it was very difficult.

Sometimes I wanted to look at the construction of our new home with Robert, just drive around it, but then I came to the front door and had a panic attack. In the evening I forced myself to take the dog for a walk with Robert. This was very difficult. Robert would bring a chair for me, if I had to, I could sit down. The doctor visited me at home twice a week because I did not dare to come to the practice. Because I really hadn’t closed an eye for 5 weeks I was given sleeping tablets. After that sleeping went better. I scrambled up to the energy but I was not there yet. I did small jobs again, unpacked the dishwasher while sitting down and occasionally being able to help the children with school again. I was also on the couch all day. My mother was with me because I still didn’t dare to be alone and we went for a walk with the dog. When we were halfway through I had a panic attack and I was breathless. My heartbeat shot up again and a person passing by took me to the doctor with his car. I laid here for 2 hours.

My blood pressure was way too high and my blood sugar level too low. I couldn’t get out of there. Tried 3 times with the support of the doctor and 2 assistants. I didn’t dare to walk to the car. Finally I succeeded and I was brought back home. I was completely broken. The doctor gave me something calming, oxazepam, which made me calmer. The days after, I only dared to do anything (eg walk to the front door) after taking an oxazepam. Ridiculous! In combination with the sleeping tablets and the tablets (muscle relaxants) against my high heart rate, it got worse. My legs stopped working, I couldn’t get down the stairs and needed people to guide me down. I was so anxious by now. At the recommendation of the doctor, a psychologist came to me once a week. I did not have a very good connection with her, but later that went better. She wanted to dig into my past and I didn’t understand why. In that week my father brought me a newspaper article about a Manon who had been treated at the Del Ferro Institute in Amsterdam for her hyperventilation and anxiety disorder, her story was similar to mine! My father wanted to accompany me to Amsterdam, but I REALLY did not want to go there. I still showed the article to the doctor, but he waved it away, I should not start. I put the article in the cupboard and kept it.

One day it went so bad, I was really sad every day and felt so helpless because there was no improvement at all that I discussed with Robert whether it would be better to quit all medications. I felt that I reacted very badly to it and that I became very dependent on it. I couldn’t live without it and that frightened me even more. Obviously I read a lot about it on the internet and there I only read the negative messages. I didn’t want to get addicted to it. From one day to the next I stopped taking all the tablets and I knew that. I had to come off it for 5 days. At night I had terrible nightmares, as many as 5 in a row, but I just knew I had to go through that. And thank God we did it.

Slowly I started to feel a little better. The psychologist came every 3 weeks. I had physiotherapy and I walked in the garden again. I have expanded this more and more. Walking the dog together again, shopping together, driving somewhere together and then driving for a while. This continued to improve, but the insecurity remained. I was in the hospital with the cardiologist for a check-up and during a heartbeat an assistant noticed that I was suffering from chronic hyperventilation. She recognized it from herself. She was surprised that the cardiologist had not indicated this to me. It was new to me. She tipped me to go to a Ceasar therapist, I did this too. I received a lot of mindfulness exercises that I could benefit from, but that hyperventilation remained. I was referred by a psychologist to a psychosomatic therapist. She was really a sweet girl that I felt calm about. There I gained more insight into myself, but I kept stunting with my breathing. It was now March and I had resumed my volunteer work in the theater. I did not dare to take the elevator anymore so I had to climb stairs. I also found it hard to bend over. I had moved twice (first to a temporary home because of our bankrupt contractor) and then to our new home. We were in a slightly calmer water, but I still had a restless feeling and struggled with the I sometimes did it with an uneasy feeling and I wanted to get rid of it! I still had the article in the closet of the Del Ferro institute and read it again I went googling and then took the step to call.

I could go for a consultation but had to come to Amsterdam. I REALLY DIDN’T WANT TO DO THAT. Ingrid then suggested to come to me and I was sooo happy with that. She was there in a few days. She explained everything to me calmly and explained the breathing of the diaphragm. I had to put this into practice. The same day I noticed that things were going better. I practiced consistently and the following week I went to Amsterdam with my husband. I drove myself! In the weeks that followed I continued to practice and I felt more and more confident. We not only worked on my breathing, but also on my self-confidence. And it had results. I started doing more and more and did things that I would not dare to do a few weeks ago (dinners, school reunions, driving to Amsterdam). I have now reached a point where I have regained control of myself. I don’t let hyperventilation fool me anymore and I get my breathing under control with the exercises. And that is so nice!               

I did not know the institute and got there by chance. People around me who I tell about it, do not know it either. I’m sure so many people will benefit from this and that they would want to follow the therapy if they knew it! And I really think there are a lot of people who do not dare drive to Amsterdam. Why is this therapy not known to the general public? I understood that there are more than 800,000 people in the Netherlands with hyperventilation, many of whom are also misdiagnosed. I also thought I had heart problems, but now I FINALLY find out that it had a completely different cause: my wrong breathing. If all these people also followed this therapy (which is also fully reimbursed by the health insurer) they would have time to spare in the hospital. So many people who end up there unnecessarily in this way, let’s avoid that. Many people are looking but don’t know where to go. They walk around with these complaints for YEARS. I can not even start to imagine….

A cardiologist looks at it medically from the heart, a psychologist from your state of mind, but very little is said about breathing, while incorrect breathing is the problem! In retrospect, I have had it for a long time and I have been working with the cardiologist since I was 16. But they could never explain my palpitations. I often suffered from palpitations but always got them under control again. Last year I walked with a box from the hospital for 3 weeks to catch my palpitations. Nothing serious came out here either. I did not die and had to learn to live with it. Until it went wrong that Wednesday in November…

Medically I was fine and no one had THE solution for me. If I had not taken action myself, I would still be in that negative spiral with the (for me) wrong and unnecessary medicines… HOW MANY PEOPLE MAY BE THERE AT HOME IN THE SAME SITUATION AS I??? If your leaflet had been hung up in the practice room of the doctor or the hospital and they had stimulated it, I would have contacted YOU IMMEDIATELY. Had saved a lot of trouble …

Saskia •